I often think about what teaching my first class will be like. I think about a class of 20-30 high schoolers all staring at me, or rather through me. That’s my biggest fear, they’ll see through me and know that I’m afraid of a bunch of teenagers. I am afraid that they won’t listen to me, afraid that they won’t respect me, but most of all, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to make the positive difference in student’s lives that I want to.
I want my students to love reading and writing as much as I do, but I know that these aren’t activities that everyone excels at or even enjoys. But, because I love to do these things so much, and they are in fact the main reason I want to teach. I am afraid that I won’t be able to make these things interesting or “cool” enough for my students to take part in. I wonder how I can make my students not only do the reading, but want to do the readings and raise their hand in class.
Which leads me to my next fear, what happens if they never raise their hand in class? I have noticed throughout the years that it isn’t just the teacher that makes a class, it’s the students. Sometimes, the best way to learn is by discussing the subject with your fellow peers where the teacher is there to supplement information that was left out. It makes the class fun, and feel more like a conversation instead of lecture. However, students must raise their hand and have done the readings to participate, which is what a lot of my classes in the past and now have been missing. There has to be a mutual respect between teachers and students, and I am afraid that I won’t be able to foster an environment where this is possible.
I know that these fears are more like anxieties plaguing my thoughts before sleep comes. And, I also know that with time and practice these fears will hopefully go away; however, it’s way too easy to stress about things that are in the very near future. Especially if those things will turn into your livelihood. Which leads to my last point, teacher pay and education reform. I hope that by entering into this field I can make a positive difference. I want to be a part of the next generation of teachers who show America that we are important, well-educated, and that we do deserve better pay. After all, teachers are trusted with molding the minds, educationally and morally of the next generation. I know that I won’t be able to change things on my own, but I’m afraid that I won’t even be able to be a catalyst for change. Because the future should have equally funded schools and higher paid teachers, as well as stricter curriculum.
Even though I have a lot of fears regarding classroom management and whether or not I’ll be able to make a positive difference, I am very excited. I can’t wait to meet my first class of students, and teach my first lesson plan; even if that thought keeps me up at night.
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